Grief's Scar

The thought didn't cross my mind
I was too self-absorbed to realize
The climate control has ceased to be
allowing the warmth to leech from me

I can still hear your voice breaking over the phone
begging me to come visit so you wouldn’t be alone
I made up some lame excuse in order to delay
little did I know that it would be your final day

A belated apology only rings out the hollowest of sound
when it's dropped onto a coffin descending into ground
A memorial that shouldn’t have been neccessary, but no!
Self-preservation was more important than loyalty’s show

I really wish that I had paid closer attention
I would've, I should've had the presence of
mind to glean, to deem it neccessary to know

But futile wishes are too many, a multitude of woe
because I failed to listen and truly respect the tone
Wrapped up in the storm ever present in this mind
focused on an internal problem and a chronic whine

Premature goodbyes are tough, so rough to make
because guilt sharpens them into wicked shapes
And the keen edges of the shards ruthlessly cut
serving as reminders of the door I slammed shut

This wall of shame is wallpapered with your beautiful face
Pictures that were taken at a happier time, in a better place
Before you were found with that heartbreaking note by your body
The OD swallow took your pain away, but our tears are still falling


Regrets are bitter pills born of foolish thought
all the what-ifs nourish the stinging onslaught
As I cringe from the enormity of what transpired
it still has power enough to corrode and miswire
Any semblance of rationale and the hope to fix

the communication breakdown, I was remiss
But saying so doesn’t do a damn bit of good
Because you’re gone and all that's left is:

The regret of disloyalty
The lingering disbelief
The futility of apology
A permanence of grief

The silence of your stilled heartbeat